010

Rising from my seat, I am overwhelmed by lethargy. It is not as though I lacked a night’s sleep, or am exhausted from physical exertion. Nevertheless my body chooses to collapse, and I enter my realm of escape.

Inside, I dream of going to sleep. I dream of pulling the covers over my head. I dream that people reach out to me, that they try to contact me but I am oblivious as I fade into my sanctuary. Voices, powerless to my solitude, are drowned out by my total immersion. Surrounded by chaos, I can only imagine that my dream is peaceful. As peaceful and comforting as abandoning my earthly vessel to allow the unrelenting stream of subconscious to drag me unto the aether.

I wonder how many dreams I awake from in my dream. I wonder, how many times do I painstakingly force the barrier from my eyes and stare at my numb, tingling hands. Parched, dazed, and not one bit less tired.

Perhaps an eternity later, or a few wasted hours, the dream becomes too sharp, too defined. There is no escape from this final dream. No covers to pull off and no bed to wake up in. And yet, still my body does not move. Whether I lack the conviction to order it to do so, or it has become too stubborn to listen, I do not know.

All sense of time, passing and coming is lost, has been lost or will lose. My past, my memories, my future, my visions, all converge on top of me, and I buckle under the immense weight.

Again, I collapse. This time inwardly, and as the deep emptiness engulfs its own darkness, I take a small sip to soothe my sanity, destined to close my eyes once more.